Okay, I know I already posted today, but I have a short little story to tell that I forgot about.
Yesterday I was driving up to Hobby Lobby (because crafting is a lifestyle) when I was blocked by a goose. The goose walked in front of my car and was all “whatever dude” and sat down. Now, at this point I could have spun around him fairly easily, but I was right at the entrance to the parking lot and I thought “I better scare him off so someone doesn’t speed around behind me and make goose pancakes.” So I honk to scare him away. Apparently my car’s version of “get out of my way” is actually “FUCK YOUR MOM” in goose, so he stood up and started viciously attacking my tires! This is not my first dealing with a goose. A gaggle of them tried to encircle me and kill me for my potato chips once in college (I have witnesses). I know that this little shit could puncture my tires and probably puncture me if I faced him myself, so I did what any self-respecting girl would do. I grabbed my umbrella.
cue old west soundtrack and tumbleweeds.
I step out of my car, umbrella in hand. The goose turns and we face each other. I draw first, pointing my weapon at him and opening the umbrella like God unleashing a great hurricane. He is terrified and flees from the scene and I chase him around the car, wielding my umbrella as both a shield and a weapon, until the goose is safely settled by a tree.
It was only upon my return to my car that I noticed my audience, a woman who had parked her car nearby to watch and a couple others waiting for the show to end before they pulled out of the parking lot themselves. A woman rolled down her window and said “You really made him mad!” “All for his own good.” I replied and drove off into the sunset that was the craft store.
I fucking hate geese.